Grief Due to Addiction: A Silent, Shared Mourning
I have spent 20+ years working with people who’s lives have been impacted by addiction.
In addition, my own life has been profoundly touched. Addiction is often described for its physical toll, emotional chaos, and social consequences. But one aspect that frequently goes unspoken—yet deeply felt—is grief. Addiction and grief are inextricably linked, not only for the person experiencing the addiction but also for the loved ones who witness its effects and are caught in whirlwind of destruction. Grief due to addiction is unique. It’s not always tied to physical death, but rather the gradual loss of identity, relationships, potential, and most especially connection.
Addiction: Soothing Unresolved Grief
For the person living with addiction, grief can be a constant, low hum in the background—or an overwhelming wave that crashes in. There is grief over the person they used to be, and sorrow for the person they could have become. Addiction often strips people of their agency, re-orders their priorities, and leads them down paths they would have never otherwise chosen.
According to Health Canada, approximately 21% of Canadians (roughly 6 million people) will experience a substance use disorder in their lifetime (Government of Canada, 2018). That means millions of Canadians are not only navigating addiction, but also the emotional fallout that comes with it—including grief.
Many individuals struggling with addiction mourn the loss of their health, their sense of self-worth, and their dreams. They may grieve missed milestones, estranged relationships, or opportunities that slipped away. Even in recovery, this grief can persist. The process of healing often involves confronting painful truths and mourning what has been lost—whether that’s years spent in active addiction, custody of children, careers, or self-respect.
It’s important to recognize this grief as valid. People in recovery aren’t just learning how to live without substances—they’re also learning to live with the emotional wreckage left behind. Grief is part of the healing process. Acknowledging it can be an important step toward self-forgiveness and rebuilding. Grief counselling can be a powerful tool to help recognize and move through the grief left in the wake of addiction.
The Grief of Those Who Love Them
Equally profound is the grief experienced by friends, family, and partners. Watching someone you love fall into addiction is a uniquely heartbreaking experience. There’s a profound sense of helplessness in watching the person you knew slowly disappear behind a veil of behavior you don’t recognize. This kind of grief is often referred to as “ambiguous loss.” The person is still alive—but not entirely present. They're changed, and the relationship changes with them.
According to Health Canada, the opioid crisis alone has claimed the lives of over 40,000 Canadians between January 2016 and June 2023—each death leaving behind families and communities in mourning (Health Canada, 2023). And these numbers don’t account for the silent, ongoing losses experienced by families who watch loved ones battle non-fatal addictions.
Loved ones may grieve the loss of trust, safety, and connection. They might mourn shared memories, future hopes, and the way things used to be. Often, this grief is complicated by anger, guilt, and shame. Questions like “Could I have done more?”, “Why didn’t I see this sooner?”, or “Why do I still hope things will change?” are common.
When addiction leads to incarceration, homelessness, or death, the grief deepens. Even when the loved one enters recovery, the grief doesn’t magically disappear. There is still healing to be done. Relationships don’t instantly revert back to the way they were. Everyone involved is changed, and moving forward often means rebuilding trust and navigating new emotional landscapes. Couples counselling, family therapy and grief therapy maybe useful in helping rebuild these relationships.
What makes grief related to addiction so difficult is how isolating it can be. Traditional grief—like the grief of losing someone to illness or accident—is widely recognized and supported. People bring meals, send condolences, and understand the sadness.
Grief tied to addiction, however, is often wrapped in silence. Stigma keeps many people from sharing their pain. There’s fear of judgment, of being misunderstood, or of making someone else uncomfortable. Loved ones might feel that they don’t have “permission” to grieve someone who is still alive or whose suffering is seen by many as self-inflicted. The person in recovery might feel they haven’t “earned” the right to grieve their own past.
But this kind of grief is real. And it deserves space.
Holding Space for Grief and Healing
The path through addiction—whether you’re the one in recovery or someone who loves them—is filled with moments of both loss and hope. Grieving what’s been lost doesn’t mean giving up. In fact, it can be a powerful part of moving forward. This can also be true if the person does not end up in recovery.
Creating safe spaces to talk about this grief—through grief therapy, support groups, open conversations, or creative expression—can help break the silence. It can also build bridges of understanding and compassion between those in recovery, those in active addiction and those who’ve stood by them.
At the end of the day, grief due to addiction is about love, and loss, and the human capacity to feel deeply. Acknowledging this grief is not only healing—it’s necessary.
Addiction may take many things—but the ability to love, to mourn, and to hope remains.
References:
Government of Canada. (2018). Canadian Tobacco, Alcohol and Drugs Survey (CTADS) 2017 summary. https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/canadian-tobacco-alcohol-drugs-survey/2017-summary.html
Health Canada. (2023). Opioid- and stimulant-related harms in Canada. Retrieved from https://health-infobase.canada.ca/substance-related-harms/opioids
